Monogamy

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What is monogamy?

Monogamy is when you are in a relationship with someone and the two of you have decided that there should be no one else but you, neither in terms of feelings nor sex. The word comes from the Greek: “monos” means “one” and “gamos” means “union” or “marriage”. So basically it's the union of two people without any third parties, and individuals who opt for this kind of relationship are referred to as “monogamous”

Animals have it simpler. They often become “couples” only for the time of reproduction - mated, raised offspring and dispersed. But in humans, monogamy is a more complicated story: a relationship where both partners choose to be only with each other, sometimes for life, sometimes - until the relationship does not outlive itself. It can be just dating, or it can be a full-blown marriage - with or without a seal.

Regardless it's important to realize - it's not the only way to build a relationship. There is also non-monogamy, which is when you can have more than one partner, with the consent of all involved, of course. This includes, for example, polyamory (when you can love several people at once) or polygamy (when a person has more than one spouse).

What serial monogamy is and how it works

Serial monogamy is a relationship model in which a person prefers to be with one partner, but not for life, but for a certain period of time. That is, it is not once and for all, but rather “one on one”. As long as the relationship lasts - the partner is alone, no outside connections; but when the relationship exhausts itself, the next one begins - again monogamous, but with another person.

In theory, it looks like a clear sequence: first one relationship, then a break, then a new one, but in reality, everything is a little less straightforward. It often happens that the novel with a new person begins before the old relationship is finalized. And it happens the other way around - a lot of time passes between connections when a person is left alone.

In contrast to the “rigid” monogamy, where one partner for life is assumed, serial monogamy is more flexible and adapted to the realities of modern life. It is especially common in Western culture, where such changes of partners are perceived as a normal part of personal development and the search for compatibility.

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How monogamy came about and why it became the norm

Monogamy is not where humanity began, and not all cultures have always adhered to it. Historically, sexual and romantic relationships looked very different, and the idea of “one partner per person” is a relatively new phenomenon.

If you look back in time, most ancient communities were much freer in these matters. For example, in the Roman Empire, no one particularly demanded absolute fidelity from partners; on the contrary, people were free to have affairs on the side, and it was considered within the norm, both emotionally and sexually. There was no such rigid idea of “just the two of us and forever”.

Gradually, under the influence of religion, moral standards and social expectations, things began to change: building a family based on exclusivity, commitment and “one on one” became a more respected and even desirable model. This first spread in Europe, later became the standard in Western culture, and eventually today monogamy is considered almost the “default” norm for relationships.

Still, even now it is not obligatory everywhere. In Islamic tradition, for example, a man can officially have up to four wives. This is legal, socially acceptable and built into the religious system. In other words, monogamy has not become a global universal standard.

How monogamy became the “norm” around the world

Originally, monogamy was not a universal standard, but that all changed with the advent of European expansion. When European powers began colonizing other lands, they didn't just establish political and economic power - along with that came cultural expansion. With it came ideas of marriage, fidelity, and monogamous relationships that eventually took root in the colonies and then spread throughout the western world.

All of this was based on the values of Judeo-Christian morality and the Greco-Roman heritage. It was there that the notion was formed that the “right” thing to do was to be with one partner, to build a family with them, and to live within strictly defined norms. This became not just a cultural attitude, but part of legal and social systems: laws, religion, social expectations - everything began to promote the idea of monogamy as the only acceptable option.

Over time, this model was reinforced by the concept of romantic love. Western culture literally absorbed the idea that true love is when two people find each other and stay together “forever.” In this sense, monogamy has come to be seen as something natural and almost obligatory - regardless of orientation, sex or gender.

Moreover, this idea has been sewn into our psychology: people often feel that a relationship “should” be between just two people - and that's it. Such ties give a sense of stability and “rightness”, but they also give birth to difficulties - dependence, jealousy, fear of losing a partner.

Nevertheless, over the years, more and more people have begun to question whether this format is right for them. Today, many people no longer see the point of limiting themselves to one person for a long period of time; they choose freedom in relationships - without rigid frameworks, without possessiveness and with respect for the desires of each participant.

Why monogamy is increasingly criticized

Today, more and more people are wondering if monogamy is as good as we have long been told it is. It's kind of the standard, especially in Western culture, but it has its weaknesses, and many people are no longer afraid to voice them.

Divorces, breakups, and shattered illusions

The classic “together forever” model is cracking at the seams: official divorce statistics are frightening. In some countries, more than half of marriages end in separation, and the average family “lasts” less than four years. Plus, according to surveys, about 75% of married people admit to experiencing various forms of dissatisfaction. Because of all this, more and more people simply don't want to get involved with the institution of marriage, either romantically or legally.

Unwillingness to make a commitment

Divorce is not only hard morally - it's also a lot of legal hassles: property, children, alimony. Therefore, many prefer not to enter into an official relationship at all. Instead, alternative arrangements are emerging: couples agree on rules of cohabitation, birth control, separate budgets, and even live in different houses. The key is to avoid formalities that are difficult to unwind later.

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Cheating and double lives

One of the most frequent arguments against monogamy is the frequency of cheating. According to various studies, more than half of people at least once entered into a relationship on the side. Moreover, not only men are unfaithful, as is commonly thought, but also women - just talk about it less often. Hence Freud's statement that “we are all repressed polygamists”; essentially, many are simply not made for life with one person, but they try to fit into that model anyway - and suffer.

The rigid “it's either you or no one”

Monogamy requires exclusivity: choose one and forget about the rest; which  seems romantic, but in practice it doesn't always work. Sometimes relationships just end, and a person starts a new one - this is no longer “eternal love”, but serial monogamy, where fidelity is preserved, but only within each individual relationship. That is, you don't cheat in fact, but you still change partners over time.

Monogamy as a social myth

In terms of modern views - especially constructivist theories - monogamy is seen as a product of culture rather than something “natural” or biologically programmed.; we have simply been indoctrinated that this is “supposed” to be the case. In reality, humans may biologically be capable of different kinds of bonding, but the system - with its religion, laws, economics - has formed a certain norm. Therefore, everything else (e.g., open relationships, polyamory, etc.) is perceived as something unreliable or even dangerous, although in reality they are just alternative forms of intimacy.

What they say in defense of monogamy: arguments of supporters

Despite the wave of criticism in the direction of monogamy, this model still has its staunch defenders. They do not just dismiss the claims, but give quite specific arguments why life with one partner can be not only normal, but also in its own way valuable and sustainable.

Safety and health in the intimate sphere

One of the main arguments is health, primarily sexual health, as the fewer partners you have, the lower your risk of catching a sexually transmitted infection. So with several partners, constant new liaisons are always an increased likelihood of disease, even if you are careful; while in a stable relationship where both partners are faithful to each other, this risk is practically nil. Monogamy here acts as a kind of “biological shield”.

Depth, value and real intimacy

Proponents of the monogamous approach believe that relationships are not just about sex and instincts, but it's also about deep emotional connection, trust, intimacy, and a shared life. In their opinion, building all this with one person is much more realistic than with several people at once. They say polygamy may seem diverse, but in reality it often stays on the surface: less attachment, less seriousness, less real intimacy.

For many, commitment and fidelity is a conscious choice that carries not only romantic but also spiritual meaning. In this sense, giving up “everyone else” for the sake of a single partner is a way to live a relationship deeply, to invest in it, to build something unique and lasting.

Responsibility to children and family stability

Another important argument is children. Those who support monogamy believe that it is stable, exclusive relationships that provide the best environment for raising offspring. A lot of partners is not always a lot of attention. But when two people clearly understand that they are a family, that they have a common cause and a common goal - it gives the child confidence, support and quality involvement in their lives.

The idea is that emotional presence is more important than the number of adults around: one parent but included is more valuable than three but random. Monogamy, its advocates believe, allows you to focus on your relationship not only with your partner, but also with your children - without unnecessary confusion, jealousy and power dispersal.

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